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Baby Blues – Why Do I Have to Cry?

Thursday, 19 September 2013 09:14
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After giving birth, moms go through an array of emotions and for experienced mom, these emotions be familiar and easy to comprehend. However, every birth is different and in some cases, especially with new moms, there can be overwhelming emotions that are hard to understand.

"Approximately the three quarter of mums experiences it"[1]. The Baby Blues usually appear on the third or fourth day after birth, but it can occur later as well. In a fortunate case it slips by very quickly, but if it lasts for a longer period you should consult with a doctor.

I remember well when my daughter was born five months ago: I was sitting on my bed in the hospital and I was crying. I could always think about my little big-son who was at home. It made my very annoyed that there was my beautiful newborn and I couldn’t feel myself happy. Was the happiness after birth finished? Couldn’t I love her so much as my first baby? A lot of thoughts were swirling in my head, mostly that I’m an awful mother who can’t meet the requirements of "a mother of two". Why didn’t I feel euphoria? Why couldn’t I be happy with my daughter? Now I know that I was overcome by Baby Blues. Fortunately as soon as it came it went by. For me it lasted only one evening, but scientist say it can last for a week, as well.

Among the reasons Baby Blues happen, we can speak about the hormonal changes, as during pregnancy the high level of hormones falls back to the original level on the third day after birth, not to speak about breastfeeding which also causes hormonal changes in our body.[2]

On the other hand we try to suit the requirements, as before birth, but nothing is the same. We are no longer pregnant, we aren’t afraid of labor anymore, and we don’t have to fend for just ourselves (and our husbands). What’s more, mums with their first child can fear about hurting the baby – how can I touch her, how should I put on her clothes, am I doing it well?, etc. Nowadays a mother faces not just these problems alone.

Because I didn’t experience it with my son (or not so seriously to remember it), I tried to get some useful advice how to survive the third (and all the other) days in the hospital:

  • The most important difference was that I didn’t have a roommate. So I was completely alone. Someone came into my room just if he needed something medical. If it is possible try to avoid being alone in a room, a good roommate can make wonders! (I know that a roommate with problems can make our days horrible, but in that case a bad one can be better than no one.)

  • Ask the father to come as often as he can. Of course you have to leave time to relax and be with your baby, but he is a part of your lives. We also allowed our son to visit Mummy and the Baby. In my opinion it can also help him accept the situation of a new sibling.

  • You should have a lot of (or at least some) friends on the other side of the telephone. In Veszprém (where I live in Hungary), the Newborn Department is closed, so either you are standing in front of the door to be able to see your baby, or you give her to the nurses if you want to sit down with your visitors. Both of them are very uncomfortable for the new mums, so the easiest way to communicate is the phone. I can confess that I called almost everybody from my phonebook. “With the right amount of reassurance you will soon start to feel better.”[3]

  • Rest with the baby. Not only does she need to accept the new situation, but also us. The smell of our newborn will surely "narcotize" us. Breastfeed, co-sleep, or just put her on your chest. You can also speak to her. It sounds funny but the only nursery rhyme which came into my mind was "The Turkish and the Cows" from Zsigmond Móricz (it’s a nice Hungarian rhyme). If she is not your first child, we have to learn how to love two children at one time, and how to handle this big amount of love. We have to get used to be a mother of two.

  • Ask the family to bring a good book to us, or with these modern equipments we can watch a movie if we want. The gist is to send our bad mood away.

  • At last but not least, if nothing helps, try to eat chocolate, for me it is always a jolly joker. smiley

 


[1]Magdi: Szomorú anyukák: a baby-blues (Sad moms  the baby blues) Retrieved on 19th September, 2013 from http://piszenpisze.hu/szules/szules-utani-felepules/szomoru-anyukak-a-baby-blues/

[2]Dobos Andrea Beáta: Baby blues – szomorúság szülés után (Baby blues – sadness after birth) Retrieved on 18th September, 2013 from  http://babafalva.hu/baby-blues-szomorusag-szules-utan/

[3]The baby blues Retrieved on 19th September, 2013 from http://www.babycenter.com.au/a541888/the-baby-blues#ixzz2fL0HeZ7w

Read 5608 times Last modified on Wednesday, 09 October 2013 04:42

Dear Reader,

First of all, I'm a mother of a 2 and a half-year-old boy and a 9-month-old girl from Hungary (a small state in Central-Europe).

I was born in 1984 and from the time I remember I wanted to be a mother. As a profession, I'm an English teacher, so I work with children between the age of 6-14. I met my husband in 2002. We would like to have three children.

When I expected my son I thought that birth is very simple. I go the hospital, give life than after 3 days I go home with my baby. But for me it was not so simple, I have genetic, uncontrolled pain weakness. So I had both of my children with c-section.

Fortunately, life compensates, I have never had problem with breastfeeding. I breastfed my son for 16 months. He stopped it when I was half-time pregnant with my daughter.

I'd love to help other mothers find the bright side of having children. I'm very thankful for TBS for the opportunity to write, and for "Édes Terhem" Baby Carrying group in my hometown because they taught me a lot of thing about natural child raising which I can share with you.

If you had any questions, just feel free to ask. I'll try to answer.

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