Before you and your partner had a baby, if you wanted to have sex you most likely could whenever you wanted. No matter the time or the room in your house. But now that you have a baby you don't have that freedom. Technically your time isn't your own anymore. Think of your baby as your boss and you need to do whatever will make them the happiest. While before you could have sex as soon as you woke up, now the needs of your baby are first. That is sometimes hard on your sex life if you prefer a certain time of day for sex.
Now that you have a baby, every minute is valuable so use your time wisely. Before baby, sex would take a long time with foreplay, sex, then cuddling. Now foreplay can be you doing nice things for each other and stolen glances and kisses. Remember how it was when you were a teenager and you would flirt and get each other riled up with little touches? Now is the time to bring that back. With having foreplay throughout the day, you can get right to the main event in the few minutes you have together. While long sex is great sex, quickie sex can be just as fun. Think of all those feelings and emotions from long sex concentrated. Then when it's nap time or bedtime you can have belated cuddling.
A great way to get the time away from baby to have sex is nap time. As soon as they're asleep you can be together. Getting up in the middle of the night or early in the morning when you know your baby wont wake up to be changed or fed.
While some babies sleep in their own rooms, some families cosleep. As cosleepers, you have to be more creative in where your going to have sex. You don't need to be limited by only having sex in the bedroom. Your house has many other rooms and places that you can use. Be creative and watch out for rug burns!
Another thing to remember to keep the spark going - date nights. These can be a simple dinner out or a short night away while baby stays with a care provider. Take this time to reconnect and keep the flame burning bright!
Sometimes you won't have time for sex due to a fussy baby or one that has 'sexdar' (a radar that seems to pick up when you are playing or having sex). There are other ways of having that intimacy like holding hands. If you have a baby that can't sleep without you being in bed with him, you and your partner can cuddle and just be with each other. While having sex is important in relationships you can't forget to just enjoy each other's company as two adults.
One of the many things that every new mom hears about after they have a baby, is to refrain from sex for roughly six weeks. The reasoning behind this is so that any tears, abrasions, or cuts heal, as well as to give your cervix enough time to close and the postpartum bleeding to stop. And while the main concern is that your cervix is open which makes you more susceptible to infections and pregnancy, there is also the concern about you as a person. A lot of people forget to think that at six weeks you might be physically ready, but you might not be mentally or emotionally ready just yet.
After forty weeks of growing a baby and feeling like your body isn't quite yours anymore, you give birth and start to feel like your body is yours again. The changes you go through physically and mentally for those weeks are massive. You're not just a woman anymore- you're also a mom. You and your partner will need to learn all that it means for you. So now even your head space is different, because you're thinking of the baby and if they're still asleep, are they cold, could they be hungry and so on.
The most important thing when it comes to having sex again is communication. Your partner has no idea what you're thinking or feeling unless you tell them. Your body is different now, so things have shifted and stretched. If you're nursing you could be a bit dry, your nipples could be hypersensitive, and those rough calloused hands of your partner you used to like could feel painful now. If you don't like something, even if it was your most favorite thing before the baby was born, speak up. It's not going to be helpful to anyone to hold something inside when this is the time you need to be the most honest.
It's very important for your partner to recognize that sometimes even if the body is willing the mind is not. After spending the whole day taking care of someone, there will be times when the last thing you want to do is take care of yet another person. Sometimes you just need the night just to relax in a warm bath and the best thing your partner can do is watch the little one for an hour or so to allow you some quality bubble bath time. Talk to your partner about what's on your mind- even if you think its something little.
And just because the six weeks are up doesn't mean you need to jump right back into having sex. Sometimes it takes people months or even years to feel comfortable or even want to have sex again, and others are ready in a few weeks. But what's important is that you are ready on your own time. Some partners may pressure or try to convince the new mom to have sex sooner. Whenever you are ready is soon enough; your partner will just have to deal with it.
If it turns out that you're not ready to have sex right now there are other ways of having intimacy. Just cuddling or holding hands can be enough after a long day. Little love notes on the bathroom mirror remind each other that while you are now parents you still love and care for each other. Also nothing is sexier then seeing your partner doing dishes or cleaning the house for you.
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