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Sunday, 12 October 2014 00:00

Confessions

So, i'm pregnant with my fourth child.

I'm happy about it, don't get me wrong. We've always planned on having four or more kids.
But this time, for the first time, I'm... scared.

I feel afraid.
Afraid that I won't be able to give all my children the attention they each need and deserve.
I'm afraid of my mood. I'm not the most patient person in the world, and I wouldn't want it to affect my kids.
I'm scared i'll get sick, have a bad accident or die and leave my kids motherless, I've never really felt that before.
I'm scared of never, ever, being alone, by myself, anymore.
Having so many people being dependant on me is terrifying.
Adolescence is coming. Not for a few years, but still, I am so anxious about this coming period and that i'll have 4 adolescents at the same time!!
I'm afraid of not having enough energy to do everything.
I'm scared for my relentionship with my husband, afraid we'll loose each other.

I've never felt quite like this before. I've had the guilt of the second child, but it passed quickly.

Do I feel this, because,in my mind, this is my last pregnancy?
Or because they are growing up, so fast, and I don't know what's in store?
Should I blame it on the first trimester hormones (probably a bit yes)?

I don't know why, this time, I'm feeling this, but the feelings are here and I don't know what to do with them.

Am I the only one like this?

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