Oh little boy. If I could just pick one day in my life to live over and over again, it may well be today. Why not? It was just a perfect day with you. We played in the ocean. You “swam” back and forth between Carol and me. You laughed with me playing tag around the chair in the front room. We biked together. You chased the cat clicking your tongue as you hear me do that when I call her. She always runs from you, but that doesn’t mean you don’t love to try to get her. We played in the back of the pick up truck. I drummed out a song on the steel and you spun around and around a few times dancing. I just love the beyond this world tenderness when you cuddle into my arms and nurse yourself to sleep.
If I could live any day in my life over again, it would certainly be a day when you breastfed. I love the tenderness and the kindness that comes from the way you suckle milk from my body. It nourishes your every cell. It’s completeness incarnate. Joy incarnate. I just love you little one. My sweet boy. My courageous, funny, go down the slide yourself over and over little guy.
May you always know how precious you are to me. May you always trust that I’ve got your back. May you know how much your mother loved you, all the way through the marrow of her bones. I do. No matter what happens in this world. No matter what happens at all. These days are holy and precious beyond money, beyond gold, beyond anything. That is why I’m doing everything I can to keep them happening. To keep them flowing. I will defend your right to breastfeed. I will make the money needed to keep your father relatively calm so that you and I can have these days together. It’s the best for your early development. I know that through and through. It’s perfection.
If I could live one day again in my life, this precious, fleeting mysterious, challenging, and holy life--- it would be a day like today with you.
Sleep well angel.